Love and Other Indoor Sports, Part One

Marianne and I like you. Do you like us? Check this box. Alternatively, listen to this episode to hear us wax rhapsodical on dating, and answer some listener questions in regards to same.

And if you get the literary reference in the title? I will totally go on a date with you.

The music heard in this episode is by Scott Joplin.

14 Responses to “Love and Other Indoor Sports, Part One”

  1. Jane Says:

    It’s Judy Blume…but I’m torn between it being “Deenie” and “Forever”. DAMMIT.

  2. Ruth Says:

    It’s from a Judy Blume book. Can’t remember which. Some young teen protagonist signed her letters that way. Can’t believe I remember that!

  3. Gillis Says:

    Any Judy Blume reference, especially a Sally J. Freedman reference, is more than enough to make me want to go on a date with both of you. Thanks for being so awesome!

  4. G Says:

    Oh oh it’s from the one with that kid with the nervous stomach who wears the raincoats to school to hide his burgeoning manhood but switches to books because it gets too warm for a raincoat and peeps on his neighbor… CRAAAP why can’t I remember! His friend’s hot older sister (was it?) signed her notes to him this way. CRAAAP

  5. Living The Questions Says:

    This was podcast *fabulous*. I needed it so much. Thank you for your frankness, your humor, your thoroughness. Excellent. Thanks.

  6. Jackie Says:

    ooohh voltron!
    that’s awesome.

  7. Barbra Says:

    it’s Judy Blume’s Forever!

    did i catch a BU reference or am i making that up? anyway i went to BU… Go Terriers!

  8. Barbra Says:

    Judy Blume memory fail on my part… it’s Sally J. Freedman.

  9. James Says:

    I just wanted to echo what you were saying about not fearing physical attraction from ‘suitors’. One of the most frustrating things about being a guy who is only attracted to big women is the deep suspicion and mistrust I’ve faced, even when expressing that attraction in an otherwise totally appropriate and (I think) non-creepy way. Great podcast!

  10. CollieMom01 Says:

    I’m another old, married fat lady chiming in to say that I’d like to re-interate the point that it’s never about lowering your standards. It’s more about being open to everyone–life really is a banquet and if your goal is to find someone to love, for however long it lasts, then you’ve got to make yourself available. There are billions of people on this little planet–I would guess that a few of those folks would meet at least some of your dating criteria. Don’t overlook the shy, quiet, or geeky–in my own experience, that’s where I found my darling husband. And after 15 years together, he still can’t always tell when I’m flirting with him. (!) Had I not had a bit of life experience when we met, I would have written him off–quickly. But by giving him a chance to show me how funny he is, and how smart, and how honorable, I ended up finding the love of my life. So many of us stay in relationships that don’t make our hearts sing because we fear being alone. Being alone is awesome!!! Being married or paired up is pretty cool, too. Don’t stay in a relationship with someone who isn’t good for you–by doing that, you are not available for the one who will love you for who you really are. Just some friendly advice from the trenches. 😀 And as always, I love the Fatcasts!! I had my morning coffee with two of my favorite ladies today. 😀

  11. arcane_scholar Says:

    Y’all are funny. I guess I’ve just separated myself from the mainstream idea of Romantic a long time ago, though I still consider myself a Romantic. I just know that it isn’t what the media/movies/TV try to pedal. My idea of romantic is when Richard tells his Chinese class that he doesn’t feel comfortable making judgments on other people’s bodies. I also believe is soulmates, I just don’t think that word means someone is another person’s /everything/. Though perhaps that’s because I am polyamorous.

    Also, for the 6th sense of being creeped on. I’d like to say that we have to actually give a guy a chance first though, especially if you are new to FA or haven’t been able to have long vacations there or are having a bad day, etc. So, be sure it’s your 6th sense and not our socialized little hater trying to tell us no one in their right mind would want us.

    Dating is a weird situation for me. I am asexual and thus have no desire to be found physically attractive to someone. In fact, it kind of makes me uncomfortable. So, I’m sure I don’t put out “available” vibes, and I very rarely see someone and go “oh, they’re cute, I’m going to hit on them”. I mean, I know what society considers ascetically pleasing, and I know what physical characteristics I like though I’m never like /attracted/ to anyone physically. It’s hard to explain, I know. However, I am drawn to someone solely based on their personality. I guess that is obvious. lol This is just in response to the “if someone is physically attracted to me will they ever like my personality” question (phrased perhaps different, but similar).

    I definitely like y’all’s advice which boils down to “stop looking so much”, because I think that is very important. People who spend all their time looking for love, generally have very little other interests or hobbies and thus kind of make the person boring. And then, once you find love (should you be that kind of person), what are you going to do? I mean, I think that contributes to a lot of the problems relationships have. I think it contributes to infidelity. Maybe I’m just crazy that way, it just seems to me that if someone spends 90% of their time looking, and then all of a sudden they don’t have to look anymore, their life is completely different. There is no more hanging out at bars trying to get “laid” or doing activities just because there are “single, hot people” there or whatever. And if that person has no other interests developed, well, I just need it leads to weirdness. If that makes sense.

    I am not very “feminine” and “romantic”, so I tend to not like flowers (because it makes me sad we’re killing something just for like..sentiment or prettiness or whatever), or candy (because I don’t like candy. I know, a fat person who doesn’t like candy) or anything like that. However, Richard loves both. So I tend to be the one who buys him stuff like that. I send him love notes and things like that. He doesn’t tend to think of typically “romantic” things for me. Which I’m fine with. Like I said, I prefer him to like comment on how brilliantly I argued a point in discussion or for him to be like “That was totally sexist/sizeist(sp?)/racist and !” I get all <3 then. lol

    I think speed dating sounds kind of cool; though I am pretty succinct/decisive and I have some big "make it or break it" questions. So it helps to weed people out pretty quickly. I think it depends greatly on the type of people involved.

    I met Richard online, through a MUX (which is an online text-based roleplaying game), and 3 months later he ended up flying me out to live with him. It was a pretty big whirlwind situation.

    I so feel you Lesley about being bad at small talk and all conversations being like intense and political. I have such problems with that too. Even in an online environment, like a forum, I tend to always kill threads because they'll be talking about some cute game like Pet Society and I'll delve into how the game has turned into this reflection of a capitalist society separating the haves from the have-nots and how they're encouraging a witch hunt against the hackers and all this. I really try to resist! I just can't always manage it. I think that would be a great blog post Marianne, about how to engage in small talk and engage strangers.

    I just can't imagine being with someone who has friends/relatives who would say those things to people. I mean, even if everyone involved agrees that fat is bad and unhealthy, or whatever, why would someone let their friends/relatives talk about their loved one in such a way? I mean, I say if your lover lets people say/do that about/to you, then it is time to say good-bye. You deserve better. Of course, Marianne and Lesley, you say it so much more subtle than I with the "reassess". lol

    Great job y'all! I'm all caught up and anxiously awaiting the next installment.

  12. Rebecca Says:

    I really enjoyed this podcast, and can definitely see some of the things I do that prevent me from dating and meeting others. I am one who puts everyone in the “friend” category and doesn’t think that people can actually be attracted to me. Here’s to hoping that I can continue to break through these challenges with more awareness.

  13. Lurker du Jour Says:

    I wish I had a time machine so that I could throw a copy of this at myself-of-several-years-ago. There were just so many points that were so on target.

    I was one of those people who bought into the “nobody will ever love you” thing, the “beggars can’t be choosers” thing, the “people who are attracted to not-conventionally-attractive folks are Bad and Wrong and Suspect” thing that was covered more in part 2 – all that nonsense. Eventually I “gave up on myself” and started living my own darn life without angsting about being unpartnered, which – magically – made things better, not worse. Hmm! Funny how that works, huh?

    If the ghosts of that bad programming ever come back, I’ll have to revisit this. Thank you. Continuing to love the podcast.

  14. Gillian Says:

    I really want to thank you both for this podcast. It really made me feel a lot better about myself, and I think you brought up some interesting points. So yeah, thanks for being so cheerful and funny to listen to, as always, and for talking about things that were making me worry, and saying things that blew my mind (i mean, the idea that there are many people out there who will find me attractive, is just… mind-boggling. i’m probably going to have to sit down for a while and think about that).

Leave a Reply